the princess talks...

So you'd think with the lack of things to do in general I would post more often, but I think it's the lack of activity that has caused the stoppage in the posting. The most recent excitement has not been good excitement. However, it has taught me many things. First off, even if you go through 22 years of life thinking your family is pretty darn near perfect, crisis will bring out the flaws. Communication is of the utmost importance in pretty much every situation. Sometimes doctors aren't all as smart as they think they are. Cell phones are amazing inventions. You should always remember to call the people who matter to you even when you don't need to.

My dad bought me a new car this summer... I don't think I've mentioned that yet. It's a 2002 Toyota Camry. I love it. It's beautiful. But my beautiful car has caused me more problems than my cute little Saturn ever did. Not major problems, just stupid annoying ones. The cruise didn't work... the little lever doesn't open the door to the gas tank, and now the speaker doesn't feel like working and the keys are being weird. It wouldn't be a big deal, but the obviously the dealership my dad got it from is in CO and the nearest Toyota dealership around here is in Mankato which is 45 minutes away. I've sat in their waiting room way too many Friday afternoons and it looks like I'll have to make it at least one more. Grr. Don't take a car out of state just after you've bought it. You're asking for trouble.

Classes are so very boring. Today we learned possibly the worst group discussion technique I've ever seen and then we learned about supreme court cases we've already learned about before. It feels as though they've run out of things to teach us. If that is the case, I should be able to graduate with my doctorate. Otherwise, there should be more things to teach me. However, it might possibly be a good thing that the classes are so terrible because it makes me want to leave for student teaching more so I'm not as scared about it. After a few more experiences I've come to the conclusion that it's my confidence, not my skills that need the most work. I'm not denying that my conducting skills need practice, but I think I just really need to learn to be firm. I can be firm. I know I can. I just need to do it all the time. (or at least most of the time) So we'll see about that.

Ok, so I was really bad at posting this summer. I apologize to the one person that might actually read this. It was an interesting summer. The weddings were super fun for the most part. I am very glad that I was able to go to them. I also learned to never ever ever trust guys who have been drinking, even if they say they haven't been drinking, and you've only seen them drink a little bit. They will break your heart. For like the 3rd time or something equally horrible. I must say it felt like I had a piece of me back for a few days, but when I realized the reality of the situation the hole was even bigger. Cuts scar when you keep tearing them open... I think hearts do the same thing.

The last year of college has started. It doesn't feel weird to be back here, but it does feel weird that my friends are gone. I don't think I had really stopped to think about how many people wouldn't be here. It's quite a few. I think we counted a little under 50 people left in my class. It's an odd empty feeling. Classes are going ok... they're pretty boring with the exception of our music major class, but tolerable at the moment. Today our prof asked us to fill out a little comment card because he thought our class didn't seem very involved or enthusiastic. Most of us wrote down that we were bored because we've already been taught the stuff he's trying to teach us. It will be interesting to see what he has to say about that tomorrow. I just can't wait for this semester to be done with. I'm student teaching in South Dakota, which should be a really amazing experience, but when you really think about it, who is going to send me to a high school for my first call, especially when you look at all the other musical talent in my class. If I had been smart, maybe I would have dropped down to 4 year like almost everyone else, but I wanted to tough it out, so here I am. I know I can do it, I have no doubts about that (ok, well maybe a few...) but whatever... it's pointless to really debate as we all know that there's no way I'm going to back out now. I finish things I start... at least the important things.

I think the worst part of the semester thus far is being so bored. I am used to being super busy. I am used to cramming in my homework during Oprah after classes so that I can sew costumes after dinner and go to Children's Theater practice after chapel. I am used to painting sets all weekend and doing my homework during Saturday night movies. I am not used to completing my homework in less than an hour and having nothing else for the rest of the afternoon and evening. I do not work well with not being busy. It makes me depressed.

I had a proud organ moment this week. The guy who makes the schedule emailed me to see if I could fill in for someone on Tuesday. That was less than a week's notice. I know... big deal... but it meant a lot to me. I remember freshman year watching the students who got to play in the first week of school and wondering how in the world they got to do that because they didn't know what the hymns were until they got there. I got to play the first week of school, and now I'm playing the second too. They actually think I'm a competent orgainst. That means something to me, no matter how dorky it sounds.

It's well past teacher bed time... I should be sleeping. We went "swimming" at a hotel tonight... I say "swimming" because I sat on the edge of the hot tub with no more than a foot in it at a time. The thing was 100 degrees! I'm sorry, but I have no desire to be in water that hot. (I know, it's probably not that hot... but it's too hot for me, and I don't like being wet) I was actually just proud of myself for going. It was people in my class, but people I don't know very well. I figured I need to get to know them better since they are who is left. So I did that, and it was fun times. But now I'm just in the mood to sing or play piano or something, but the music center closes in 15 minutes or so, so I can't. So annoying. And my roommate is gone too. I don't like sleeping in dorms by myself. It's scary. Plus I've been having freaky weird dreams and honestly don't want to have another one. But I suppose it is necessary that I get some sleep so that I can be more enthusiastic in class tomorrow... like that will happen...