the princess talks...

Ah to post more often... yeah... so major things have happened in the past few months... Children's Theater was an amazing success. I was so proud of everyone involved -- it was as flawless as possible. Still one of the top 5 more stressful experiences of my life, but exciting as well. It seems like graduation came the next day... somehow I made it through finals, passed all my classes, packed up my room (or at least some of it) and got my diploma. That was another stressful experience, also in the top 5. Sitting in the lightbooth for the meeting before the call service might possibly be the most stressful experience. Just waiting for them to read my name was crazy. The whole day was surreal... but I have a job in Kenosha, WI -- grades 1 and 2. I am so totally excited and nervous and scared and everything inbetween. It's going to be awesome. Please come visit!

spring break... I would wait for spring break to get sick, wouldn't I. I've spent the past 4 days on the couch watching trashy television, thinking about all the things I should be doing, but reminding myself that I'm sick and need the rest. What could I possibly have to do over spring break? Homework that I will never finish if I don't do it now... children's theater costumes... I guess that's about it, but it's enough that I shouldn't really spend 4 days on the couch. Oh well. I blame my mother and her intolerance for cold drugs which has been passed on to me... in a moment of weakness I swallowed 2 Tylenol Sinus Non-Drowsy and quickly passed out on the couch for the remainder of the morning. If anyone can find truely non-drowsy stuff, I would be forever thankful. Children's Theater is going well. I'm so thrilled with my cast and crew. Ticket sales have seen a bit of a slump the past 2 weeks, but we passed the 4000 ticket mark, so that was exciting. It's good to have a goal and diversion to keep me away from thoughts of graduation and call day. But at the same time, I'm so sick of so many things at school, graduation can't come soon enough

Life is full of coutdowns at the moment. 4 is the number of school days I have left until spring break. 2988 is the number of Children's Theater tickets I have sold (that would be 75% of my total seats for the school performances). 88 is the days until graduation. I've always liked numbers... I can't think of a math class that I haven't liked (well, until I got up here to MLC, but I don't really count those as math classes...) and I really enjoyed teaching geometry last semester. But as I changed my MSN screen name today to reflect a few more tickets sold and one less day to graduation, it just seemed weird. I want the tickets sold number to keep increasing... all the way up to 5292 if possible, but I have mixed feelings on the graduation number. So strange.

My two weeks of insanity are over, thank goodness! The play was amazing. It does confuse me, however, how a simple comedy can be so sucessful on stage and yet people still feel the need to "test the waters" with other random productions. Honestly, I do know that it's not a good idea to do a comedy every year. Even things that work can be over done. However, sometimes I think it takes us too long to go back to what works. The same can be said of Children's Theater. The choice of a fairy tale couldn't be better. I believe that choice, along with a quality production from last year, are why the ticket responses are so quick and numerous this year. I've been producer for a little over 3 weeks I think... and nearly 4000 tickets sold. That's quite a response. I am so proud of our cast and crew from last year -- they really set the bar pretty high, but I'm ready to jump! I got a peek at my first (and when I say my, I really mean our, but will continue to use my) set piece yesterday. At the moment it's just a concrete form with a door cut out and some hinges... but it has such amazing potential. I absolutely love seeing something that I thought up in my head take full form on stage. I can't think of much better.

How can a person deal with a terrible situation, not once, but twice, and still not learn enough to keep it from happening again. I don't get it. I feel let down... disappointed... uninspired... betrayed. I am sick of walking around in a daze, feeling sick, and having a head full of questions. I am sick of having the people I look up to, respect, admire, and attempt to emulate let me down. I am sick of wondering who else is hiding things from me and the rest of the world. I am sick of sin. My mother always says the devil works hardest among the believers, but never have I had such a full understanding of what she meant. I want explanations which I know will be long in coming and apologies which might never happen. I want to be done. 92 days.

It's that time of year again... the snow is gone, it's still crazy cold, and everyone just wants it to be warm. So what do we do? We attempt to make everyone forget about how annoying winter is and focus on fun things like snow sculpture and ice skating... except that there isn't enough snow for a snow sculpture and skating must be done inside. It's crazy. No one cares, but it still takes people to run it even if no one shows up.

I've been selected as Children's Theater producer again. That's super fun. One last shot at the stage while I'm a student. It will be my best production ever, if it's the last thing I do. (and at this rate, it might be... I'm too old for this little sleep!)

I guess I'd better clean my room up from this weekend before I go set shopping...

more than you wanted to know... but I need something to do


Full Name: Rachel Feld
Nicknames: Feld, Felderhaus, Rach
Hometown: Born in WI, but Aurora, CO is home
Croutons or Bacon Bits: neither...
Favorite Salad Dressing: bleu cheese
Have you ever gone skinny dipping? nope
Do you make fun of people: yeah... some people are really dumb
Have you ever been convicted of a crime?: in court? no
Best online friends: Aaron and Tyson
One pillow or two?: 2
Pets: not at the moment...
Favorite Type of Music: choral and ska
Hobbies: playing the piano and organ, computers, AVCO, theater
Dream Car: something fast and expensive
Type of Car you drive now: 2002 Toyota Camry
Words or Phrases you overuse: cute, random
Toothpaste: colgate something
Favorite Food: anything not from the cafeteria
Piercing or tattoos?: piercings, no tattoos
Most romantic thing that ever happened to you: a guy took me to look at christmas lights once... I liked that
Do you get along with your parents: yes
Favorite town to chill in: wherever my friends are
Favorite Ice Cream: rocky road or chocolate chip cookie dough
Favorite Soft Drink: Diet Mt. Dew
What’s your bed time: between 11 and 12
Adidas, Nike, or Reebok: Nike
Favorite Perfume/Cologne: Happy
Favorite Song at the moment: Magnum Mysterium
Least Favorite Subject in School: currently History
Favorite Sport to Watch: football
Most humiliating moment: "sliding" (and by sliding, I mean sitting) on the second base line in softball
Craziest person you know (or silliest): most of my friends are a little nuts... i like them that way
Favorite Holiday: Easter. I still get to be with my family, but it's not as stressful as Christmas
What do you look for in the opposite sex?: liking me for me, able to make me laugh, able to support me
Things I’ve learned from life: things won't turn out the way you think they will and always let people know how much you care, because if you turn around, they might be gone
Favorite number: 23
Favorite color: PINK
Greatest experience in your lifetime: going to Prep
Why are you here on earth?: spread the gospel
Who means the most to you?: God
Drinking habits: water...
Windows/Macintosh/Unix: I know Windows best... macs are growing on me thanks to my brother... and maybe someday I'll go beyond that
Favorite Quote: "Music is well said to be the speech of angels"
Parent’s names: Tim and Becky
Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake: 23
Date that you regularly blow them out (birthday): Oct 19
Pets: none
Height: 5'7 I think
Eye color: blue
Hair Color: blondish reddish at the moment
Piercing: yes

HAVE YOU EVER…?
Had the drink Calypso Breeze? i don't think so
Been in love? i thought I was
Been toilet-papering? yes



THE FUTURE:
School: 1 more semester
Where You Want To Live: wherever God calls
How Many Kids You Want: 4
What Kind Of Job You Want: teacher, choir director, mom
You Want To Get Married: at some point... gotta let all my friends do it first


WHICH ONE?
2 doors or 4 (on a car): 4. I've had 2... not fun
Mr. Pibb or Dr. Pepper: neither... although when I had Dr. Pepper in SD and thought it was weird Diet Pepsi because the waiter brought me the wrong thing, it wasn't too terrible
Coffee or Ice-cream: are they related? ice-cream
Shampoo or Conditioner: shampoo
Bridges or Tunnels: tunnels



WORD ASSOCIATION (FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND)
Rock: hard
Green: bay
Wet: nose
Cry: baby
Peanut Butter: sticky



FAVORITES:
Color of socks: pink
Memory: senior spring fling, Milwaukee road trip frosh year, MGM studios with Amber, Children's Theater, SD
Sesame Street Character: Elmo
Disney Character: Pooh Bear



RANDOM QUESTIONS
When was your last hospital check in: never
Do You Drink: yes
How many times did you fail your permit and Drivers License
Test?: 0
Where do you see your self in 10 years?: married, kids
Which single store would you choose to max your credit card? Target
Name the person that you are friends with that lives the
farthest away from you: hmmm... Trevor is in OR right now... he might win
Are You In A Gang Or Club: AVCO
Motorcycles: no thanks



Are You Close Minded: in some things
Are You Open Minded: in the things I'm not closed minded about
Are You A Player: some days
Can u be in love w/2 people at the same time? not really
Bedtime: soon
Humiliating Moment: too many...

It's official. I'm back on campus, a full time student putting in a part-time effort... at least for the moment. I hate myself for that. I think about my teaching experiences, and how annoyed and upset I got when facing students who obviously weren't interested. At the moment, I am interested in my organ and piano lessons... come tomorrow I'll be interested in choir. Other than that... well... let's just say I need some motivation. Anyone willing to bribe me? I didn't think so. The motivation will appear... right? Let's hope so. Ah well... the odds of me failing any of those classes are slim.

Christmas break was interesting. I don't know who decided to give us 3 weeks off, but I'd really rather have a longer summer. I was getting pretty bored towards the end. But it was really nice to get all the SD out of my system... I think it made for a smoother transition. I've been pretty grumpy upon return though -- the dorm room is small... so much smaller than my room in Watertown... and the food is bad. There is only one thing keeping me from wishing for a fast-forward button -- Children's Theater. And I don't even have the job yet. But one of my very good friends is trying out for director and I just know that he and I would put on the most amazing show ever. Hopefully the board will feel the same way.

I have a simple goal for the rest of the year -- do what makes me happy. Starting in August, or a little before that, I'm going to start being a real adult. Thus, I am going to live up this lack of responsibilities thing for all it's worth. And if that means going to sleep at crazy times and not reading assignments, so be it. As long as I graduate, I don't care. Bad, huh? I think the issue lies in that I have now been teaching not once, but twice, and both times proved that I am capable. I just want to do it. I want to be done. Not that my profs don't have useful things to teach me, and not that there isn't more that I can learn, but just not at the moment. However, I don't have that option, and thus must keep going. It will be ok. On the brighter side, I actually know people in all my classes. I feel pretty old in geometry, but one of my favorite people is in that class, along with 2 other good friends, so I'll survive.

Random thoughts of the day... kids are amazing. Being missed, being liked... it's all super. I wish I could go back to them. Bridesmaid dress shape, here I come. Football naps are the best kind, especially when you wake up just in time for the 4th quarter. I did not suffer from senior slide in high school and am now making up for it. My parents are amazing. Should I go to Japan? Nah... I didn't think so either. You don't really know which friends you're going to stay close with... you just have to grab on to the ones that stick and not let go.

As of approximately 2pm this afternoon, I finished all my student teaching responsibilities. It's a weird feeling. All that's left to do is load up the congas, have lunch and say goodbye to some people, and get on a plane. I'm not quite as attached to the kids as I was last year, but I think I'm more attached to the faculty and the community in general. However, a good deal of thinking as of recently has led me to be much more secure in the thought of leaving. Spending all of Wednesday and Thursday planning out Children's Theater didn't hurt either. It's going to be a weird transition back to dorm and school life again. I feel almost as though I've been a "real adult" these past 9 weeks and I can feel the frustration about being a student again already rising... however, the thought of being responsible for my learning and my health, and not for anyone else is very intriguing. The whole reality of call day is sinking in... when people were saying goodbye to me today many of them wished me God's blessings on call day... God willing, I'll get a call. How crazy is that. I'm still not convinced that it's a very good idea, but I didn't think me teaching in a high school was a good idea either, and the opinions of a few random people aside, I think I did a pretty good job. Would I have survived at WISCO? Doubtful. A big shout out to the music department for their superb job of matching me up with a simply amazing supervisor. We made a super awesome team, and I'm really going to miss working with her.

Random thoughts... God has a plan. Life would not be as exciting if I knew his plan, but I might cry less. I do not want to be a high school physics teacher. I am neither surprised nor upset that I'm not being recommended for physics. I want a grade school and church music call. It also does not upset me that I'm not recommended for high school this May. I can think of 3 other people in my class tons more qualified than I. I hate packing. I'm not good at it... well, I'm good at it for about half an hour, and then I lose my focus. I love giving people presents. I have friends in WI that I need to visit... or at least call. An ounce of confidence is worth a pound of pretty much anything else in the classroom. I hate filling out self-evaluations. I'm going to miss my SD friends, mainly because they're guys and guys make so much more sense... most of the time. Ballroom boot camp is a stupid show. I have no clue what I'm going to do with 3 weeks of Christmas vacation... boring! I am so super crazy excited for Children's Theater. My parents are amazing and if you meet them you'll have a better understanding of why I'm so weird. I don't want to be a student again. I am capable of learning and performing difficult organ pieces. It's great to receive praise and know that it's deserved because you've worked long and hard. It's even better to know that the persons giving praise actually know what they're talking about. I thrive on making lists... a trait inherited from my mother and grandmother. High school kids are just like grade school kids... they just take a little longer to get to know better, but you can have more fun with them. Cable TV is a necessity of life. If Time Warner messes up my bill one more time, I'm canceling. I need to get into bridesmaid dress shape. I need a new laptop... and by need I mean want. Directing a performance and knowing everyone did the best they could is a very fulfilling experience. For the first time in a long time I feel as though I have accomplished something that I can be proud of, not just done the bare minimum knowing that the people critiquing me wouldn't know any better. I get the bottom bunk next semester. I hate that TLC plays the same 2 episodes of What Not to Wear twice on Friday nights... it's dumb. I didn't wear about 60% of the clothes that I brought... and I only brought about 55% of my total wardrobe. Something should maybe be done about that. It is 10pm on a Friday night.. I am not doing anything, and have no desire to do anything but watch tv and play on the computer.

I found the dumbest game on msn the other day... you're a waitress and you have to seat the guests, take their orders, give them their bills, etc. Basically, it's a contest of how fast you can click. I got to level 5 and couldn't get any further. I think I played level 5 like 8 times or something... annoying.

Time to change the channel... stupid TLC

You know those shirts people get saying "I Survived (insert random thing here)"? Well I want a "I Survived working AVCO for ChoralFest 2005" shirt, because I think surviving was an accomplishment. The three day event seemed to last forever, but it also seems like I was hardly gone. I've yet to do the math, but I think I was in the gym or auditorium longer than I was sleeping. Thursday night, 8pm to midnight. Friday, 8am to midnight. Saturday, 10am to 2:30 in the gym, 2:30 to midnight in the auditorium. It was crazy. (please don't read this as a complaint. I had a super fun time.) It was all pretty amazing. There were only a few things I didn't really enjoy -- the pops concert was a little stressful because we had a new light board and I wasn't exactly sure how to work it. It all went fine, as I had the basics all worked out, but I was worried it would do something weird during the performance. It didn't. It was also quite the challenge to get all the people into the auditorium for the first Tonic Sol-Fa concert. Had I been in charge, things would have been different. But I wasn't, and it all worked out ok, for the most part. A few grumpy people due to bad seats, but they'll all get over it.

Anyways, in all the excitement of the weekend, I kind of pushed the thoughts of teaching Monday out of my mind. However, Monday is soon upon us, and the thoughts are back, so I must do some work.

Time is flying by in the lovely state of SD. I didn't think I'd be quite as at home here as I am, but I really love this place. I can already tell it's going to be hard to leave in December. The congregation here is really great. It's so nice to see a music program done right and to see so many people care about it. The school is really great too. I'm slowly getting more used to the high schoolers. I knew they'd turn out to be fun eventually, and it's nice to watch them coming around and getting to enjoy them in class. It's so nice to be able to teach on a higher level and be able to have more complex directions and projects. I surprised a few of them when I had to get stern with them today... but they deserved it.

Choral fest is next weekend back in lovely New Ulm. I know I'm going to enjoy it, but I don't think I'm quite prepared for the crazy amount of AVCO work it's going to be. I'd love to just be able to go and enjoy all the lovely choral singing... but someone must turn all the lights on and off and make them flash in time to the music, and that person is me. I do get a choral fest shirt out of it, which is exciting, and all my music major friends will be back, so it should be a good time. I just need to get those poodle skirts done before then...

Random thoughts... if you've spent more than 72 hours in prision in the past 3 years or something, you can't donate blood. Faculty meetings are important, but can get long. Even old people like stickers. My friends are right -- just suck it up and get it done. No matter how much you practice, playing Cb will still seem odd. Electronic pianos are not the same, no matter how expensive they are. Singing forte without shouting is a skill I need to teach. Cars get dirty when you drive on gravel roads every day. I hate dirty cars. Brown shoes in an 8.5 are hard to come by in the southern MN and SD area. Target clearance is great, but New Ulm Target clearance is the best ever. It's the big tough boys who pass out giving blood. I remember geometry. Naps are an amazing invention, as are cozy flannel pants. My dad is cool. My phone doesn't believe in Daylight Savings. Sometimes my best judgment is completely ignored when guys are involved. I need to practice organ more. I need to make my wrists stop hurting so I can practice more. When volunteering to sew numerous poodle skirts, remember that sewing is not easy. I still doodle during class, even though it drives me crazy when my kids do it. They let little kids drive cars in SD. I can hit a high A when needed, but it's not the prettiest thing ever... I have now accompanied a choir in performance.

Choir time...